Ok, so for now I'm going to do the odd post here, then eventually I'll perhaps move it somewhere else or do something different... email me if you'd like to know where I go...
Anyways - interesting conversation last night with a few of the ladies I've done a couple trips with.
Out of 5 of us in the room, 3 are in relationships - very happy ones, one is VERY new, only a few months in and in that la-la-I-LOVE-YOU-MORE-THAN-ANYTHING!-stage and the others are long-term good, etc.
We were talking about expectations in relationships and seeing as I'm not currently in one, and my dating stories lately are both boring (to me, strangely enough, not to my friends...) and full of frustration (for me, not them apparently, outside of the angry guy who feels I wasn't that nice when ending the 'non-existant' relationship - seriously, NOT even dating and they are angry when I tell them I'm not interested in more than a friendship from them... I'm sorry, seriously!) etc.
I digress...
My mom got the advice once from my grandmother it's better that he love you just a little bit more.... and people, we're not talking like: OMG I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!!- love on one side and the other is all: Meh, I can take you or leave you, whatever... we're talking, just a minuscule difference, which is normal (in my opinion) that one person perhaps loves a tad bit more.
Now hear me out here people - cause I think the girls (2 of them) took a bit of offense to my statement... Think about the last few relationships you were in... think about how you felt about the person and how they felt about you - was there a point where you thought to yourself... wow, he (she) REALLY likes me! As in, you thought, huh, I think I can relax here now... - that's part of it.
I truly do not believe that there is such thing as 'equal' love. I don't believe for a moment that two individuals have EXACTLY the same types of feelings for each other, because no two people are the same. There were mixed remarks - one outright said that she didn't agree with me at all, almost looked angry and gave examples of friends we had... of which I think she's wrong, but I totally agree to disagree. The other sort of agreed and then almost looked to feel bad about it.
It's NOT a bad thing. AT ALL.
Again - no two people are alike, so chances are, there is going to be some discrepancy on who feels what for the other person. NOT a bad thing - in fact, useful. My mom said that my grandma told her to find someone who loves her JUST a bit more... and my mom did. There were times where she feels it went back and forth, as all relationships do, but in general, I do believe that my stepdad loves my mom just a tad bit more... but there were years where it was absolutely reversed - which brings me to the next area - I think it goes back and forth at times.
Think about the BEST relationships you've had or currently have - do you think that for a moment that one of you is SLIGHTLY invested more? I'm not talking - ya, I could leave him/her and be ok - I'm talking, one centimeter more, one millimeter even...
I'm not saying you have to agree, but I think that there are times in relationships where one is just THAT much more into the relationship and that it's not a bad thing.
My grandma believes that my grandpa loved her that little bit more - but only by the tip of my baby finger, not enough to matter, but enough that he did whatever it took to make her happy and in turn she did whatever he wanted in order to show that she appreciated and loved him that much to make him happy. I looked at the two of them in the hospital the last time I saw him and they wouldn't let go of each other's hand and they looked happy - even knowing one would be gone soon - they had the happiest of happy marriages - and maybe that's why. I don't know. All I know is that I'm excited to have that some day :)
I don't think to be in a successful relationship one has to love the other more. But, I do believe it can be construed that way
ReplyDeleteThe Boy makes my coffee, pours it and at times brings it to me in bed...to this day I have never done that for him...does it mean he loves me more? or is he maybe just a bit more romantic than I am?
Never the less....as long as the love between the two people work for their specific relationship then so be it....
Just one last note: When I decided I REALLY wanted to find love and my ways weren't working I stopped having an opinion about relationships and started listening to those who were successful and how/why/what made it work for them. I absorbed ALL the advice I was given and then from there formed my new idea of what kind of relationships I really wanted to have....and lo and behold got one too.
Ok - I don't think I was clear... I didn't say one person HAS to love another - I think in every relationship, one person just DOES love the other person more. It might be known, it might not be known. The longer the marriage (and I'm talking about sucessful marriages, I'm not talking about newlyweds or new relationships as there's always the whole 'I love you more, no I love you more' thing going on - I'm aware, pukey, but I've been there a few times myself :) ).
ReplyDeleteThis was told to me by my grandmother who was married for almost 70 years - it was just fact, my grandpa loved her a bit more. It wasn't an obvious: Holy shit man, you're totally whipped by that woman! It was just slightly known by us, family, not necessarily by anyone else. It was HER advice saying pretty much that it's not a bad thing for him to love you a tad more (meaning, better to have the guy love you a tad more... in HER opinion, which obviously worked...).
I'm not saying that you or your man loves one or other more, it's just something I found interesting.
And yes, I fully agree - I stopped listening to those in my life who aren't in good relationships and have strange opinions on expectations etc. It doesn't work nor have I really ever agreed. I got this little tidbit of what worked for a couple people in my life from my grandma - VERY sucessful relationship. My mom was the one who passed this along to me - 20 years married. They work hard and love their time together and I'd like what they have as well. My dad and stepmom - 25 years - happy, they work hard and are each others' best friend. My sister and her husband, UBER happy - totally best friends and together for over 10 years. My other sister and her husband 10 + years as well.
In my head, what I want is someone who I have fun with. I know it's out there, it's just where and when - cause you really never know.