Tastings

So, I was one of two invited to the tasting last night.
Not exactly what I was expecting, though at this point, I have no idea what to expect. I'm a cynic with walls WAY up and him? He knows he's good looking, in fact he makes money off of it... well, some of his money.
I totally get along with his friend's wife though, she's the only reason I spoke to him any further, cause he's really not my type.
Not at all actually - but hey, I'm trying not to close the door on people so soon.
Maybe he's actually decent? We'll see...
Between the fact that we've both been sick, this was the first time we've seen each other face to face since we met a week ago.

All and all? The tasting was fun. I slammed back vodka while I looked for his booth and for the friend. I had bourbon and $300 scotch once I found them and continued to try everything his friend told me to try.
The four of us went out for dinner for awhile, which was fun, then the friend and I stayed behind and chatted while he went back to work with his partner.
I learned stuff about him from her... the only reason I even continued to speak to him was cause of her - she's too normal and nice and fun to hang out with assholes.
She laughed when I told her this.
"have you told him this yet K?"
-no
"you should, then let him know that he owes me big time."
-ha! Ok.

All and all, it was fun, she's great, I'll be seeing her again for sure, him? I think I will, but with two sickies... we really don't want to see each other til we're both well. The idea of a coughing attack on either end isn't all that attractive, especially when we don't really know each other.
Fun times :)
Fun distraction.

AND... I get to talk to HR today!
I'm kind of stoked. I got access to another system today, wicked, and my phone magically appeared while I had my lunch break yesterday.
Next?
Doing more work... and learning more shit. I have partial access and not even slightly nearly enough for what I need for this position, but all in due time.
One of my bosses is gone til I get back from my vacation and the other is trying her best to bombard me with readings.
It's sort of wicked actually.

And so my weekend begins, feeling happy, super busy, fresh and just enjoying the new.

So very different

I sit at my desk which is in an open area where others like me sit.
We all have our specialties and are all working to do essentially the same thing for very different areas...
The firm I work for just had a massive overhaul.
They fired some, laid-off others and cleaned house only in a way this industry does it.
Scary as hell, but now, they are starting from the ground floor up - looking to improve.
I get to be one of those people.

I spent the last 2 days feeling ill beyond ill. Yesterday was the worst - my first day I managed to suck it up.
It's nerve wracking. I don't have a phone yet. It's quieter than my last office, but you know why??? It's because people are ACTUALLY BUSY here. What a concept.
Projects left right and centre. Continually being bombarded with new and exciting things to do.
Ok, maybe not exciting :)
This job is completely and utterly different than my last.
The nice thing is that I get to use the skills and knowledge of my last in order to make this one what I want, because... I'm the first at this position.
It's a job that I get to create and figure out with the help of my two bosses.
One person I work for used to work at my last firm (she followed her head person over a couple of months ago), and so we understand things between us that others may not. We 'get' what worked before and what we can use from that to make this position better.
The other boss, she's incredibly smart. She has experience that most never do. She runs the show in a way that others are actually excited to talk to her.
She's lived.
She's also going on vacation before me, which is why she wanted me here now.
And yes... I'm working for and with women.
This is a HUGE change for me and I'm not sure what the adjustments will be...
PMS lots? LOL!
I hope not ;)

But I'm telling you this. I'm excited.
This is the change I needed and I'm looking forward to this so incredibly much.
The second this opportunity was brought to my attention, nothing else mattered. I didn't care about the job similar to my last paying me uber amounts of money... cause I'd still have Ego, and Minion and all of those 'types' to deal with.

And later... a scotch tasting, lol!
And no, I'm not a big scotch drinker though all my guy friends are super jealous, ha!
I was invited by a guy I met last week at the Armory, I'll be hanging out mainly with his best friend's wife as the guy who invited me will be partially working it.
We'll call him Scotch, as the one the wife has for him is a bit much for my blog for now, LOL! That, and really? No telling how long he'll last... he seems like a bit of a player in my mind.
Ah well, I don't need to worry myself with that stuff right now.
I have a new job... and speaking of... back to the reading :)

early

I'm up way too early. I was up today at the time I should be up tomorrow... for my first day of work.
After 6 weeks of 'ahem' forced-time-0ff, I wouldn't give up that time for anything.
A week of 'poor me.' That week also included "mom, I need boooooooze!"
Yes, it was one of those weeks. I don't think I had one day without booze for at least the first... fuck, who am I kidding, probably the first 2 weeks.
I even had the fun of coming back the night of going to a blog-thingy-with-Kris :)
Week 2 - resume.
Ya, I had it professionally done, so sue me :) It was worth it. I don't think I could have written about myself in the manner of which someone else did. He also did my sister's (in different cities none-the-less, he's lovely and kind and sweet and reads people... this is why he's good at what he does. He crafts and he works in two different cities cause he only trusts himself to get it done... I liked him for this. His assistant was out of the other office, ha!).
Week 3 - more resume.
Apparently these things take time.
In between? I started training day-time-pancration classes. What else? Well, I seem to happen to have a lot of friends who don't work a lot during the day... I filled it with breakfasts and coffees and lunches and afternoon teas and coffees... fucking hell it was strangely busy!
I was training 5 times a week, sometimes twice a day if there was a class that night I liked on top of my other.
I'm in fucking fabulous shape, LOL!
Well, I'm looking the same, but I feel amazing - outside of the cough that's decided to come in anticipation of: Look! You got a new job K! You can relax now!
Fucking hell.
I digress...
I was training usually twice monday (cause who likes mondays anyways?) tues/wed/thurs - taking fridays off and sometimes 2 classes Sat if I felt like it...
I know, I know... it explains the cough... and I finally started taking some supplements to help with the 'forgetting' of food that has sometimes happened since training so much - a shake is much easier to eat on the way to training...
Then what was added? INTERVIEWS!!!!
The last few weeks have been anywhere from 4 to 8 interviews a week - sometimes with the same people.
Recruiting firms (I went to three as one was work of mouth, another was through a job emailed to me, and another... another job emailed to me...)
Other firms... my top two offers were through word of mouth from friends.
In fact, the one I took was through an ex-co-worker from a different department...
I fit in three interviews in one day between two classes - morning pancration and evening wrestling/pancration.
I went out and had a life.
I partied. Well, not like 'partied' partied, but I actually went out late and woke up hungover a few times... more than I have in years. Oh and taking greens + before bed after drinking... wicked hangover cure! I'm sure there are other multi-vit stuff too - I hear Monavie is quite good for that too.
I stayed out late on school nights.
I slept in, EVERY day.
I napped on the days that I wasn't training during the day.
I went OUT.
I met more people.
I got invited out often.
The whole thing was great.
I didn't go to Cow-town though that was one of my plans. I realized that I'd stress myself out more if I left the city for a week while I was interviewing, working on resume etc.
I start a new job tomorrow.

And on the boy front? LOL - I have a crush... on three guys.
One's more of a friend, we've been hanging out a bit - I know him from class, it may only ever be a friendship, but he's cute and we get along.
One is someone I've known for about a year and a half - though it would never work, but we're attracted to each other.
One is a guy I met last week - he's been texting me almost every day since we met, but... he's a player, that I'm sure of. He models in his spare time and fuck... as he should... but I can crush on his hotness regardless :)
But... as there is always a but...
I don't think i'm in a place where I can invest much of myself into a relationship.
Though, the bonus of this is that if I end up dating someone casual, less stress.
And if I don't, less stress :)
What I want? Less stress!
Are we noticing a pattern people? LOL!
The thing about the three... they all look a like. I wish I was kidding here, but I'm not. Physically... fair, all of them. Very athletic, all of them. VERY different jobs, social scenes, and personalities, those aren't even slightly similar. I think that's why I have crushes on three... they each hit a part of my personality and for some strange reason, it's enough. I don't have to date any of them, hanging out, chatting, a bit of texting is enough. Weird, but true.

What do I want? Well, I want to love my job. I want to learn and to excel and to take it and mould it as this job is mine. It doesn't even exist yet, there is no job description, there is no title. I'm in the same industry, but I'm doing some things I've never attempted before. It feels exciting.
IF! if if if - I meet someone who works well with this, at a place where I'm going to be consumed with work - though my hours are similar... slightly longer, but I get a lunch break! Ha! (um, ya... I didn't get one for the past 5.5 years...) Who is happy with their own lives and doesn't need to be consumed by mine and my own social life... I could happily date, casually. Maybe even have a relationship again... ooooo, big ideas there K!

But for now. I'm up early.
My mom is coming today, I have lunch with the Architect - yes, he would be one of the three crushes... though he's the 'friendship' one. I am doing some shopping, meeting up with friends for coffee with mommy dearest and later, relaxing.
Cause tomorrow I start a new job.

interesting...

This week has been interesting to say the least.
Much has happened, some crude, some rude, some wonderful, some exciting and most... exhausting.
Hmmm, where to start?

Miss L took me and a few others out to the Armory on Remembrance day (Nov 11th, Veterans day for you Americans...) where we partied it up with the men in uniform. Miss L looks over at me at one point - barrel shooting eh?
Or as Brenda likes to call it - seal clubbing. I know. That would be the crude... well, no, not all of it. Too much to just put on here. Let's just say that... we alllll had fun. All the girls had a fab time, between the drinking the dancing, the phone numbers etc...
I love a man in a kilt ;)
That led to one of the 6 interviews I had this week... I wish I was kidding. 3 were on tuesday, 1 thursday, and 2 yesterday. I was asked for a third interview on monday as well.
Well... when ya look...?
I walked into a job offer yesterday morning where I thought it was going to be a reference background... Interesting.
I had to tell them that I'd let them know as my next interview was for a position completely different than what I previous held, but something that I was hoping to get.
I did.
I went to my old office and met up with a few of the girls who congratulated me, and ended up running into my old BM who was one of the two who let me go... he would be the one I got along with.
I told him about my new position and he said that it's only just the beginning for me. He said he saw much more in me and knew that I needed a push to get out there.
You can't imagine how good that made me feel.
He said that he's happy I'm taking this position and feels it will be a good stepping stone for my career.
Again, was beaming.
He's a lovely person and he never meant any harm to me. And everything he did for me is how I now ended up where I will hopefully be happier.
I'm now drinking Caesars at home, in my bathrobe.
There was celebrating.
I met up with ex-co-workers for drinks.
Then met up with Kris and some friends for dinner, then $4 Martinis.
I was laughing at the fact that some of my friends have 'their bars,' ya know? I apparently have one too.
I walked in: K! So good to see you! Where's the others who usually come?
I laughed - Kby and the roommie is normally who I'm with.
We had fun. Maybe too much fun...
The conversation turned to why Kris and I may end up with Iphones rather than blackberries....
anyone? Anyone?
My concern, business work.
Part of my new job is travel. Yes, you have no idea how fun that is for me - even though I will probably start out in butt-fuck nowhere to begin, but it would only be once a month ish, actually, who am I kidding, I don't even have a title yet! The job doesn't exist yet!
Lame.
LOL.
K - so I like the idea of bbmessenger - which most of my friends have, but there is rumour that the iphone will be getting an app for that...

Now... back to my caesar.
Oh, how I love it so...

SMILE!!!!!!

I sat through 600 pictures for A's wedding.
We smiled, We smiled... omg, did we smile. I swear by the end of the shots, my face felt like it was going to explode. My cheeks hurt.
My eyes felt like they'd close by the end, I was trying sooooo hard to keep up the look of 'happy.'
I was, but I was tired.
Today was similar...
I interviewed, and interviewed, then trained, then interviewed, the followed up then smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled.
I got home and '3rd interview request' and omg, how am I going to smile more and more.
Then another email: '2nd interview request.'
OM fucking gawd.
My face hurts. Boy does it hurt.
I was doing takedowns and defense for takedowns and I was thrown to the ground numerous times and all I thought was... this is easier than smiling again...
LOL.
At least I'm progressing.
At least I'm getting the interviews. Fuck, am I getting interviews.
Now if I can get my face back to it's normal shape...

how come?

On my way out to run some errans, I get a reply to a text I sent out hours ago... the reply wasn't what I was expecting: we broke up, I'm not doing well.
Fuuuuuck.
Two weekends in a row of this - granted the one last weekend, not as severe as this one.
I guess this happens...
Some joked that just before the holidays guys freak out... but we're not even close yet!!

Anyways... it's always hard.
Could be worse - I told her. You could just keep him around as you don't want to be alone and are waiting for someone better to fill his shoes. You could be using him or him, you - so that you don't have a night where you have to deal with the fact that you are truly alone.
She knows how to be alone. In fact, she's very good at it.
She doesn't need a relationship, or someone knocking on her door to feel loved or wanted or needed. So, that's the first part figured out.
Secondly? He was lovely enough to show you ahead of time that he's not the one for you long-term. He fucked up royally enough to show you that you aren't meant to be with him. He showed you a side of him that you were reluctant to see since the 'love cloud' was overshawdowing the bad stuff. No one changes that easily or that quickly unless there is some sort of driving force, and in this case, it's unfortunate that you can't be it.
BUT... do you want to be?
DO you want to be his mother/therapist/shoulder to cry on?
No. Because we ALLLL know what happens after that - if he was your shoulder to cry on, you use him, you might fall for him, and in the end when you've gotten past your shit? You dump him, and though he might love you more than anything else, you may end up hurting him cause when it comes down to, he was transition guy. Do you want to be that girl?
We've ALLLL been that girl.
Fuck, I know it well.
I think we all know better now.
I've seen girls use guys who are sweet and kind and totally not up to their expectations, but in the moment, it worked.
We've experienced the opposite.
She stays friends with her ex's about as often as I do. She wants the friendship. And, I think it's possible, but it takes TIME. Time of NO speaking, extreme distance and no contact whatsoever. But could anyone have told me at the time? No. We do it all at our own pace, doesn't matter who tells you what. You do what works for you.
There can be a point, when you manage to get to the friendship back where you can logically look at them and see why you aren't with them. There's a point where they will be talking to you about something that you found frustrating during the relationship where they are doing it AGAIN but with someone else. You'll be able to laugh it off and say: wow, that's why we aren't together, I feel sorry for the latest girl dealing with that shit!
And let me tell you from experiece, a few times over now... that when that happens, it's the happiest feeling ever.
Nope, you didn't miss you. And yes, it's WAY better just being friends.

Bob was telling me the other week how the girl he's interested in has gone cold.
So it happens to guys too eh?
They made out a bit at a party, she's been a work-friend of his for years and she admitted to one of his friends that she's had a crush on him.
She went away for a little while on holidays and he tells me - We're going for our first official date when she's back. I like this one K, if we date, I'm taking this one slow.
This coming from a guy who well, was told he's a womanizer, LOL.
He's truly not. It just can seem that way at times, though he's only ever been truthful with the girls he's dated.
I digress...
She came back from holidays and had some really bad family shit that she's had to work on and deal with. He's been put on the backburner.
"She's in no rush apparently" he says to me... "and this may sound bitchy, but I sort of want to know that she still has some interest in me."
Nope, not bitchy. I just tell him that he just needs to let her know he's there, but not to be the shoulder...
"why?"
- for the same reasons I stated above.
He agreed.
So, see? Men go through it too.

I know, doesn't necessarily make anyone feel any better.

But, could be worse. You could be in a relationship that's one sided, one where one of you is getting way more out of it than the other.
You could be coasting in a bad relationship cause you don't want to, or can't handle being on your own. You could be going from date to date, man to man, looking for fullfillment when you can't get it from yourself.
Could be worse.
It can always be worse.

Each relationship, no matter what it is, who it's with and how long, is a learning experience. Each person is brought in to bring something more to the table - whether it be an experiece you appreciate more from them, or friendships you never would have had without them. But it fucking hurts in that moment when it's truly over.
It fucking hurts like a bitch.
And it doesn't matter who says: "Oh, i knew it was coming." Or better yet "we were all just waiting for it to finally come to an end."
"You can do better."
"You'll find someone new soon."
Fuck you all, cause right now no one needs to hear that.
Breakups fucking hurt.
And it's only on your OWN time that you can get passed it.
And no one can tell you any different.

And as we sunk our teeth into the food I brought over - the food she's forcing herself to eat, the food I keep pushing on her, she smiles.
"You look better now."
- what? cause I'm smiling?
"Yep."

Cause it's a start.

anticipation

Today was a good day... it's not over yet and nor do I expect a lot more of the day...
But it's slowly coming together :)
I'm feeling good.
I'm anticipating feeling better...
Between the opportunities put in front of me, the things I've been doing, and the trips in my future, I'm feeling it coming together.
VERY slowly.
Did I mention slow?
A friend sent me a message right after I lost my job saying that this year was bad for me, in my star-signs etc. That this is a year of transition and movement, that next year will be so much better.
I can FINALLY see that.
Finally.
It's been such a long time coming.
Wishing you all, a very happy Friday!
As happy as mine :)

and why it's better to be single

http://current.com/1v56m4c

Thank you ex-co-worker for making it clear why I'm actually strangely happy being single right now.
Granted, seeing as I've dated guys 'between' jobs in the past... ahem, assholes...
I don't wish that on anyone I date!
I'm not saying I'm like that, actually, couldn't be further from it, but at the same time...
I'm not in a place where I want to put any effort into dating right now.
And I'm sure the guys I'm currently attracting would make matters even worse!
Not having a job is probably the best thing to keep your mind OFF dating, ha!

Sunshine?

I'm in a bit of pain today.
I didn't work out yesterday, but had another interview.
So far all my interviews have been through word of mouth.
This I'm quite happy about actually.
It's good to know that someone in a good position has happily forwarded on your resume to people they know and trust.
So now... I wait.

Today is a longer wait day than usual... cause normally I'd be working out this morning, but i'm sore and tired, lol.
I think my emotions are tiring me out.
The extreme highs and lows of each and every interview, testing scenario and questioning... though I'm finding it really interesting, it's tiring.
Coffee, and some volunteering today.
Then training tonight.
Exciting life I'm currently leading isn't it ;)

And because it's come up in SO many conversations lately... H1N1.
So many people I've heard have it lately. Most people I know have been sick and when I was training with a buddy monday morning he says to me - ya, was in bed all hungover with my gf sunday.
She's sick? I ask.
Ya - he says - Swine.
WTF!?!?! We're training together, weren't you even slightly thinking you could have it and maybe pass it on to me?
He laughed - I don't have it, I'm not sick, I feel completely fine. You're fine K.

Seriously?
So, at the moment... I am fine. Not sick. Dosing myself up in Oil of Oregano.
And thank you everyone else for removing yourself from public areas while being sick. The rest of us appreciate it.
I was talking to A who was away this weekend with friends and one of the couples' little girl was super ill and spent all the weekend in bed.
Poor thing.
The one benefit to not working right now is the fact that I'm not around that.
Though... everyone seems to have been sick at my gym. Kfj was complaining about being horribly ill this weekend and NOT alcohol related, whereas the architect was ill due to booze, lol.
Granted, I think we all had a bit to drink over the weekend, now didn't we...
I know I sure did!

Moving on...
I think it's time for a coffee...
Though I have a few things on the go for today... I'm gonna try and relax a bit.

feck

Invited to a party I never arrived to as a friend was in need... then another...
It was worth it.
Yet? I still woke up hungover and when I got a text sat morning saying: I'm debating whether or not I want to train...
I took that as my out. My head said: Fuck you K, you don't drink like that anymore! And my stomach said: greeeeeeeeeeese.
Then my inbox had a couple of parties to go to!
Sweet.
I dressed up as me... unemployed.... cause I am.
The recession took it's toll and I'm in the middle of interviewing for some absolutely amazing job opportunities. So good, in fact, that I still can't get my head around it.
My roommate just giggles when I tell her stunned about them.
You deserve it - she says.
You put your time in - says Brenda.
Fuuuuuuck.
The gift from my roommate - a Tiffany necklace hangs around my neck - the note hangs in my bathroom -
Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. xo

And here I am.
A severance package that made my head spin - currently in savings as we all know me...
Enough out for a short while...
And a happy healthy me.
I'm training 5 to 6 times a week, trying out pancration (youtube it if you don't know what that is) on top of the muay thai (again, youtube people ;)).
I'm having breakfasts with friends who are way too stoked about the whole unemployed thing.
I'm sleeping in.
Coffees with others. Lunches with others, appointments, informative meetings and well... no freaking clue how I'm keeping myself so occupied right now.

It just took some time to realize how lucky I am.
And I'm better for it now.
In so many ways. I can't even count.
And fingers crossed... this week is gonna be truly interesting... and I am almost vibrating with anticipation.

This is the follow up to women are evil

This is absolutely hilarious in relation to the last post...


This was sent to me just after my last post:

Women have no feelings.

Just perfect!

And I'm going to go on the record and say this in regards to the comment from my last post - women are meaner to each other than men.
We can't own up to our own faults and we fight with others.
Sure, one may be right, maybe it's the other person, maybe it's us, but if both people look and both can admit to a problem, there might be less issues on both ends and more supporting of each other when we really need it.
Have you felt unsupported in a rough time?
Yep, I sure have.
We all have. We've all felt that we put more out than what we've received.
I've been accused of caring too much at times and not giving up soon enough.
Perhaps that's true.
Perhaps I've changed, maybe I haven't, but each experience teaches you.
Some of my worst fights with really close friends have turned into renewed friendships years later. I can't say that of all of them, but I've been shocked at the support I've gotten from people who I didn't expect it from and appreciated it so very much.

And in the most brutal times that I've had lately... I can't tell you how good my friends have been. I can't tell you how many times I received a text or email checking in when I felt low and in pain.
THIS is how it should always be. There should be no asking, there should be undeniable support.
Just like how guys do it.

Women are evil

This is what I was told by a buddy of mine.
Between the few-ish guys that I'm closest too, they all seem to agree on this.
Why?
Easy - you're conniving, you always have an ulterior motive and you do things in the spur of the moment which tends to be quite overly emotional.
Duh.

I was talking with Bob... who loves being called bob. He found my blog yesterday and after the horror and shock (I knew better, but fortunately for me, he won't be reading, it after yesterday, cause he respects that I would prefer him not to), laughed when he said: Omg K, I'm Bob. Why Bob?
Cause it's the least likely name for him.
Bob...
Bob and I were having a conversation (he liked that a couple of our conversations were on here, and maybe at some point I'll be more open to him reading this... but at this moment, not comfy... with the idea of some GUY who I know reading this. Girls? Well, some know me, some don't. Whatever, but a guy who I have a bit of history with... ya... maybe not)...
Ok, we were having a conversation... and in regards to the blog he said that him and his buddies were thinking of starting one themselves.
They said it would be mainly girl-talk based and probably quite amusing. I've met a couple of his friends, and from what I know of them, it would be freaking hilarious.
But girls can be freaks... he says to me, perhaps not using the word freak, but that was what he was trying to portray for sure...
Example... he says to me...
Let's just say that you're interested in a guy... you go out, he does something or says something. You don't know how to take it... you talk to 15 of your closest friends and discuss every single scenario in the conversation - where it started, where it ended up, what communication you've had since then... blah blah blah. You go through EACH and every possible situation and then go to the next and talk it through til you ALL come to a decent conclusion....
which I tell ya, is precisely the opposite of what he meant.
I laughed.
It's so true.
We all have done this, too many times to count and we have all over-thought every single thing.
My roommate got a kick out of this as I was telling her about this guy I went out with the other day and how he approached certain questions and how he questioned me in exchanged.
OMG K, he's 'functional.'
Wha?
She continued... everything he does is with purpose. Nothing he does is to really try and tease or put you in an uncomfy place, he does it cause he wants to get to the bottom of it. There is really no game playing with this type of guy. He'll drive you absolutely batty.
Fuck.
He's the type who won't answer a text unless you ask him a specific question - as she goes on, she said this is her brother and her dad, exactly - and the same goes for any other communication. Msn? Email? Random things don't work. They'll take what they want and unless you ask them something more, they will just ignore the rest. It's not that they don't care, it's just how it is. You say: Oh, i had a great meeting with a client today - I'm feeling great about getting that deal done.
His response will probably be:
Did ya see the blank?
Riiiiiiiight.
Ok then.
This unfortunately makes complete sense.
I ask Bob about this... he says: well, guys see things differently. We'll talk about girls, and our way of figuring it out is thinking of what they maybe meant by what they said, as we know it's not always going to be exactly what we think. Three of us may discuss, then we drink beer, then we're done thinking about it.
That easy? I ask.
That easy.
That makes us evil? I ask.
Him: well, no, it just makes you too emotional. When we tell you something, we mean that something. When you try to think of it in a different direction... we're still meaning the first thing. When you go on and on and on, and then freak out at us for something that we have no clue on?
That's what makes you evil.
Then you attack us, tell us what things suck about us and then spread rumours (which is what Irish told me happened with his ex... interesting...)

So, we're not completely evil. Well fortunately for any guy I date, I'm not vindictive. Though I want to be and though I have a lot of shit and things I could hold over someone, it's not worth my time. I wish I had at times, the balls to do the things I wanted... but I've noticed that Karma usually does a really good job of things and I would say 2/3 of the time or more... I end up being friends with these guys in one way shape or form.
Or not. It really depends.
So, we're evil cause we're emotional.
Bob was telling me about this book which has made him lose faith in love and attraction: why men don't listen and why women can't read roadmaps.
The funny thing is, my mom just gave me that book a few weeks ago and it's hilarious.
Bob sees it as a : yeah all women rock, all men suck! type of book. Maybe from his end it is, but I'm not getting that. I'm just understanding more about the fact that, we're different.
And maybe if we get a bit more of our 'over-reading' into crap that we'll be happier.
And I have to say - I'm very grateful right now that there are other things in my life overshadowing any dating stuff, cause that makes life so much easier!
We might be evil, but we overcomplicate things which makes men to us?
difficult ;)
ok. I know. I suck :)

more

I walk into the Newfie bar and there are people I have NEVER met who I recognize... the joys of facecrack and blogging... I've been reading skygirl for years. I read her when her blog contained snippets of HNT - does anyone still do that????
Her's were always interesting and fun.
Then kids changed most things, but that girl is still there... She smiles and I'm so excited to be meeting her. It's pretty cool.
She's just as fun as I thought she would be, her sister and her wife are there, AMAZING people. SO incredibly cool.
I felt at ease, as did Kris when she arrived.
It was so comfy. This was more comfy than I've had it before, I think cause I know this person, sort of, kind of, not really, but yes...
Kris seemed more comfy too, it was cool. We all opened up and talked and knew and understood, they compared notes on people, and WOW, how cool to listen...
We did shots, we drank, Kris's beau came in later, we allllll got along great. It was fabulous, I don't think I could have asked for a more interesting or fun night with complete strangers, LOL!
It's just cool.
I don't know. We just all hit it off, there was no hiding, we're sitting talking, revealing and listening, it's female dominated for the first couple of hours and Kris's beau coming barely changed a thing. He does fit well, I have to say that much, it's good to see him happy with the group.
It was a good night, ended with poutine and a walk in the glorious non-rainy weather.
So wonderful.

Saturday was a great day - woke up late, due to 2 am poutine... and headed out to train.
Great fun. Did some work, stayed behind to work on the ground work and headed home to get ready for the fights.
I got a few texts here and there, save some seats, I'm now coming to the fights... and I saved the seats, we saved the seats, we watched the fights, we bet on the fights...
It was wicked fun!
It was my first Muay Thai fight card in years. The unfortunate part was the fact that we had 6 fighters lined up... including the head-lining fight... and only one got to fight, everyone else backed down... it was pathetic.
But we had fun. We all went out to congratulate our fighters after, we took pictures, then three of us headed to a club after.
Me, the mother (the lovely woman who runs a lot of the gym, who works there part time and has a kid and treats everyone else there as her kid, it's cute actually), and the architect... a guy who well... he's pretty cute and we've started talking a bit more lately...
The mother and I got molested BIG time on the dancefloor, the architect doesn't dance, so he snickered as he watched and hung out with our fighter. The fighter was highly highly drunk and walked around the club with his belts, and we all did shots together.
It was such a fun night as well!
And today? Family dinner, and meeting a new beau of a friend :)
Can't ask for much more...
I wonder what the week will bring!!!!

It's not as seen as on tv...

I was emailing back and forth a lot today with a friend about the idea of the person who looks to have everything... when really it's just a little bit of insight to their lives.
Reading people online gives us a bit of insight. We think we know these people based on what we read, we think we can give them advise and we think they're telling it all.
We don't.
None of us do.
And the people we meet through these areas, online or someone we see on TV, we don't know them. They are normal people with normal issues and normal lives - they just sound better on paper ;)

So?
Tonight, I get to meet a girl I've been reading for years. She changed her blog and moved it from place to place and has gone through 2 births...
And as she did in hers, lol - I get to hang out with Her and Her (who I see anyways, but always excited when we hang out ;))
So, those who I read, I shall meet... again ;)
Kind of cool.
I think we'll have a great time!

The Season

It's sick season.
I've watched people in all aspects of my life come down with the flu lately. I can see how some of it would be stress enduced as I hear - My god K, I've been up so many nights, can't sleep, then feel like I haven't ever left work... surprise! You're now sick.
Another, bad travelling experience among other things and SICK. At training... trying to avoid the sick, taking extra vitamins, getting more sleep... I have one person I know who has had two people he works with get H1N1. Not good.
Two cancellations yesterday - sick, don't want to pass it on to you... I'm doing my best to avoid, but I'm curious to see how far it'll go.
I hate being sick.
I had my tonsils out a year and a half ago to avoid the sick. Since then the only time I've gotten sick was from overdoing it... ahem... the games anyone? lol! Ok, I KNEW that was coming, between working fulltime and volunteering full time the first week and then partying the second. Wicked fun for sure, and then I was sick the entire weekend after.
Funny how your body tries to tell you when to calm down eh?
And lately? Sleep is my friend.
And yet I'm still tired.
But not sick... knock on wood.
Feel better everyone!

a bit much...

drinking that is...
This weekend was harsh. 2 birthday parties, a few pubs, a great dinner out and even today... nothing like a Caesar to get over that hump of no sleep and visiting with great people...
I always find it weird running into certain people at places where I don't expect to see them... dinner last night, seeing Kris, this morning, running into Se while she's visiting... Strangely enough, I ran into her while out for breakfast this morning.
Nothing like the no effort visit - we sat with her and her friend and we all chatted... 17 years we've known each other. Her friend commented on how strange it is that we always end up running into each other, even when we don't have plans... yep, it's weird.
And over breakfast, with a date... even more strange ;)
But it was fun.
All weekend, super fun. Ready to get back at it this week, quite a bit to accomplish... oh, so much...

If their lips are moving...

One of my girlfriends is MEGA jaded by men lately. She had 2 dump her in the matter of two weeks.

I don't blame her, that sort of thing hurts.

But, she came off slightly needy, and I told her this over a glass of wine the other night.

She said to me: K, if you're interested in this guy - play hard to get... (yes mom, I'm thinking, but seeing as you get this advice from every direction, eventually it sinks in...)

I let her finish then look her straight in the eye and say: have you ever thought about taking your own advice?

She looks at me, wide-eyed, then slumps back, shakes her head... almost a 'wow, how come I never saw that? -kinda way'

You're right - she says to me - but I HATE the game! I liked him, he liked me, why do we have to play the game?

We all do.

She also realizes the guys she picked weren't worth it for her. She's better than that. We all are.

Even on the dates I've gone out with, maybe they are decent, but their lips were moving ;)
But we all know I give too much of the benefit of the doubt. Chances are they'll do something more stupid than text me things that are slightly inappropriate before the next date (ahem, ya...), then apologize profusely for being slightly excited.
Um, ok.

I stopped caring. I stopped a little while back as I haven't been using any online dating sites for months and any of the guys I've hung out with have been through either random meets at various places I sometimes frequent (ya follow? lol!).
I have too much stuff planned lately and dating is NOT by any means on the forefront - hate to disappoint anyone who's hoping for some dating updates - as they will be few and far between. My last, decent, the next with this guy... we'll see.
No long-term potential, but could be fun for a bit.

The rest? Oh, my lovely workouts. I've been trying some other classes which now consist of some guys I used to work out with who are fun and new guys, who are also fun.

The guys are in the midst of cutting weight for a huge competition next weekend. Kfj asked me how he looks : guess my weight - he says to me. He's not the first lately, not the last either.

that makes me laugh... every guy always underestimates, except these guys... they try. If I were to ask, they'd guess me above mine, which would only be meant as flattery in their eyes.

They all look good. These guys are just ripped.

The one guy LOVES running around class 1/2 naked, another does it at the end of class... I'm not going to complain, these guys could model based on their bodies.
Yesterday another added to the mix - more 1/2 nakedness... though I'm not going to complain, it's not REALLY necessary - especially since he was the only one, I was the only girl in class - seen it before.
Before the fights they tend to do this more.
Ladies? Need any AMAZING eye candy that isn't doing it quite for me anymore due to the fact that I see it too often?
come join me.
It's pretty sweet. lol!
I went yesterday to a class and had to endure this.
My Sensai told me I shouldn't complain - I mean look at the guy, he's ripped - thanks Sensai, glad to hear you're looking out for me :)

On another note, he actually thought I was good!
I got the "huh, I'm surprised..." after we did 2 BRUTAL rounds, 4 mins, back to back, pad training while the others kicked the crap out of each other.
One guy suggested I think about trying out ring fights.
Um, no. Trust me, I'm NOWHERE near even slightly good enough. I just have stamina. And I hit hard. Whatever, that'll be my next side career right? Ring fighter? Oh, how sexy, LOL!

Granted, I do get a lot of comments on my physique because of it, so I'm not going to complain. The bruises can be covered, and the aggression stays at the gym.

Moving on... good weekend planned. Happy Friday to you all! Two birthday parties and ex boss coming into town. I can almost say that I can't ask for more ;) But I always can!

Divine

My background is in Divinity... he says.
I sit back, observe this beautiful creature sitting beside me and try really hard not to snicker.
He smiles, then laughs.
Good.
He tells me the story of how it all started, about his ex -fiance from back home and what made him pull out of it and try something different.
Good for you, good for me.
This guy has zero long-term potential, but he's fun.
We have plans again, cause he's fun.
He has an amusing story to him and he talks more than me... weird... strange... but true.

It gets you thinking though, what are those pivotal moments that bring you to a different place in your life?
At what point do you throw your hands up in the air and just say - fine Universe, I think you've played me hard enough - then go in a different way.
At what point do you make peace with yourself and your life and realize - huh, this is here to teach me a lesson?
Or even better - what lesson has this taught me and how do I use it to my advantage?
My mom has always been one to look on the bright side of every situation.
And more times than not, she does. In fact, it's irritating at times, but I think I finally got enough of it to really make me try to see that with her.
Her love of people and trying to give the benefit of the doubt, got that too. The ability to forgive, but not to forget, good. I think that one is up there too...

And I have learned. I have learned that some people care too much, others not enough. I seem to have people around me now who truly care. Unconditionally. And I love them the same. They know this too. If they are hurt, they know who to go to, and in turn... I know I can do the same with them. I know who to call when I'm upset, I know who will sit down with me over a glass (or bottle ;)) of wine and talk to me about why these things happen, on both ends.
And, like my mom, I will look for the positive. I will try to find the bright side and I will be there and will support you on whatever you decide is best for you.
Because though ignorance is bliss... acceptance truly is divine.

Ping!

I'm getting off my phone after a conversation with my friend - It's time for a change, I need to focus elsewhere and the bonus of this is that I really don't care about men right now.
Of course, I shut the phone off - walk into the pub and OMFG, tall, dark and fucking hell.
After I collect my jaw off the floor, I walk past, he smiles, I smile, I go sit down and Lene and Elle say to me: So, did you see the new guy we found for you?
They laugh.
I'm stunned.
He works there. First shift.
Elle's a regular, and knows everyone. She's been going there for years, knows the bartenders, the managers and the owners. So, the manager comes up and offers up to us - Have you met my new guy?
He giggles. Everyone is going to want to meet the new guy.
He comes over and introduces himself to us - Irish. Figures. Accent. Tall, dark, handsome, Irish.
He smiles, chats us up then walks back to his position.
Elle laughs - did you see how the side of his teeth sparkled when he smiled? It was like you could here the 'ping!'
Yep.
Then she continues - rose petals came out when he talked, and Lene gets in - No Elle, more like Shamrocks.
Feck.

The conversation turns to the 'crazies.'
As we're sitting there discussing the merits of sizing this guy up before even having the opportunity for a conversation, we realize that we are in fact, crazies.
We all are.
But the difference is, and I've mentioned this before - we do it to each other.
He didn't call? You're stressed? He said something that you don't know what he meant? you call a girlfriend, you vent, better yet - you call a guy friend who talks you down from the ledge.
As I said to my cousin - if you ever hear a girl talk like this TO you? Run. A girl should never let a guy know that she has a bit of crazy in her.
Elle admitted that she went a bit crazy with the last guy - she got too needy and too excited. Lene just is newly single after a 4 year relationship.
She threw shit at him.
She said she was embarrassed, but they talked after about it and realized that well, it was warranted.
The waitress comes up to us and joins in on the conversation as Elle's buddy Deuce comes in. Deuce has been around the block many times, has the know-how and the background. He's also one of the girls.
The waitress tells us about a friend of hers that she's now hooked up with twice. She likes him but... he's with a bunch of other girls and thinks that their friendship is now sort of ruined.
Deuce actually agreed - sex changes everything.
It's the difference between the control and completely losing it.
He's giving us time lines on phonecalls, what to say - how to be more appealing.
I swear - it's the continuation of Dating 101.
That was offered by a female, this by a male.
He said the appeal (which we all know) is not caring. Being in a situation where you don't really care too much is the same as playing hard to get.
But if you really don't care - it's not as much playing as non-interest.
I remember clearly a day when a friend of mine looked at me and said: K, I don't know if he likes me. Do you think he likes me?
This coming from someone who had the most self confidence I've ever known by anyone EVER.
She doubted. Her feelings showed her something, she didn't expect to fall for someone... she was starting to show her version of 'the crazy.'

My roommate is another interesting case.
Deuce met her awhile back and he said when I called her name to come out and meet the group, she 'presented' herself, and he found it amusing.
I never noticed it, cause I wouldn't. He noticed it, cause he was curious.
She's very pretty, very exotic and very appealing to a lot of guys - and doesn't even play the game on purpose, but usually has enough people interested in her that she doesn't necessarily go overboard with one or another.
Granted, she's seeing someone now... so slightly different situation. Yet, she still plays the game, the guy is super hooked and she's done nothing more than just keeping a bit of distance.
She laughs at me when I tell her the stories of the guys I've dated, or met or even just chatted up. She's met a couple of guys I've gone out with and she's laughed at my 'type.'
She also lived with Kby - so she sees a pattern.

I find the whole thing amusing in so many ways.
The bar manager drops by the table and throws a napkin at me - Here you go K, for the drool ;)
He's a riot.
He wasn't far off.
The men come and go from the table, vultures coming in for the kill once they realize that one of the girls at the table is far beyond tipsy.
Deuce 'caws' out in her direction yelling - run away, run away!
We all laugh.
Guys can be crazy too...
But for some reason it's more acceptable - as it's showing interest and sensitivity.
Huh.
Really?
Just think about it ;)

Time for turkey, lunch at 1, dinner at 5, and gots to get ready for my plus-1. At least the firefighter knows I can be crazy and still likes my friendship regardless.
Maybe this is why I don't care ;)

new

Tuesday night I was invited to go out and meet a bunch of bloggers with Kris. Outside of Kris, this was my first time meeting a bunch of random people who are bloggers. When I first started blogging, I met bouncegrrrl and that was quite a surreal thing for me as I was meeting someone who had been reading me for awhile and new all the ins and outs of my daily life.
This, not exactly like that, in fact, Kris and her friend sweetsalty, were seen as the 'celebrities' at the table. I thought that was amusing.
I think the thing was that since I've met Kris in real life, you realize, these are just normal people. They write incredibly well, and they are more than likely getting paid for it.
They also have thousands of followers. Me? Not so much :)
But, I have definately found it interesting learning about this other world.
There are portions talked about, others fall by the wasteside and more times than not, only a small bit of true life is shown.
The appeal is the writing. These women touch the souls of those who read them and make them feel as though they are in the room with them, seeing what they see, feeling what they feel.
It's pretty cool.
And in K writing style - 'it's pretty cool.'
They discussed what they've been doing for work as, well, they write. Others are asking questions about their lives and since most have been reading for awhile about Kris' ups and downs, she even had her boyfriend with her, this insanely sweet and lovely guy who just loves her to pieces. I think most of the girls were interested in meeting this one as well, a) he used to model, so the boy is hawt, and b) he's stolen her heart - and I think most were interested in meeting this guy.
The evening was fun. Kris' boy made friends with the only other guy in the room who was dragged out by his lovely wife who was excited about meeting the 'blogging celebrities' and he was the 'plus 1.'
We sat around and had some drinks and talked and met and laughed and three of us continued on to another pub. I needed to get my drink on.
Eventually I'll write about why I took some time off from writing, but for now, let's just say that there are other priorities.
If you really want to chat, facebook is the easiest. Just email me through here and we'll go from there.
Anyways, what else?
That was a pretty sweet night. It was really fun to meet these people and strange that even a few knew who I was.
Hi Kate! Ok, Kate doesn't actually know me, but we know each other now ;)
There are another few girls too... maybe they'll comment some time :)

It was pretty cool overall. I enjoyed it.

And what else? I've stepped up a bit of my training doing pancration a couple of times now. I was invited out by a guy from my previous school and though it's weird to have some random guy (ok, not totally random so far for me, I know these guys from my old school), lay on top of me and try to manipulate my joints and get me to tap out.
And then, vice versa.
My training keeps me pretty sane when other parts of my life are sort of... not :)
Happy friday!
And happy Thanksgiving weekend to all the Canadians out there ;)

When life gives you lemons...

You add vodka and make yourself a martini.

I'm going away for a week or so... and will be out of communication for a bit as I'm taking a break.
I will be on my private email - and the one attached to this blog too (I have a few :)).


Later ;)

reeeellllllaaaxxxxx

Today is our fiscal year end.
What does that mean?
It means that all this shit work I've been doing for the past month to get other shit done is finally over.
Almost... the day only started an hour ago... I haven't yelled at anyone yet, screamed, nor have I heard any of my bosses do the same... yet...
But again, the day just begun...
I haven't had to tell my boss who sits beside me to 'chill' yet. He hasn't had to do the same to me yet either... whereas last week, this was a daily occurrence... things are looking to change around here, for the better.
2 years of hell.
2 years of dealing with so much crap that put everyone in a bad mood. My one boss ran away from it all, another took off for a very extended vacation for months on end, and I sat here, not enjoying any of it. None of us here did.
Last year was by far the worst we have ever seen.
Granted, that was the norm across most industries.
The recession hit everyone hard and a lot of people lost their job, our firm stopped hiring, and in fact let a few people go this past year including a good friend of mine who I will miss dearly.
I knocked on wood daily hoping that I wasn't next, and 'the overseer of all things' said: relax K, it's not a big deal. Your guys will be fine, you'll be fine.'
This is the thing, I have a hard time relaxing.
When it's slow, I stress, when it's super busy, I stress - though I prefer that stress...
When I think too much, I stress and when I don't have anything to think about, my mind wanders and finds things to stress about.
It's delightful.
Truly.
So I've been trying to find ways to relax - well, this has been on going, and every once in awhile, I find something that helps.

Yesterday a friend invited me to join her at a 'Yin/Restorative' yoga class.
It's 90 mins of holding poses for uncomfortable amounts of time.
Ok - here's my horrid example of what it's like.
Have you ever watched 'Family G uy' and seen where they make a joke, and push it, and push it, and it becomes uncomfy, then pushes further, and then you're just squirming for it to end, and it goes further, then finally stops?
Ya, yoga - Fa mily Guy style ;)
I liked it.
I really enjoyed it and found it super relaxing. I'm not sure how much it costs, but the time of day is perfect - just late enough to fit another workout beforehand (cause I suck - but wouldn't necessarily do seeing as I'm still sore from Monday's Muay Thai and tonight should be lovely and painful as well - no black lips or eyes this time...).
I liked it. I went home feeling all nice and squishy and the interesting part was the fact that the instructor is a martial artist (bonus for me! - he pushed me into poses that would help to combat the stiffness from my training). I have no idea how many years of the various things he did (tkd, judo, mma), but the guy was trying to explain this kick to me at the end and threw this wicked kick over my head to demonstrate, just standing there - impressive.
I digress... I always get distracted by that type of thing...
I felt so relaxed at the end of class.
I needed it.
I'm going to put more of an effort into doing more things like that between everything else, as it is about balance.

Random

"Well-being of mind is like a mountain lake without ripples. When the lake has no ripples, everything in the lake can be seen. The still lake without ripples is an image of our minds at ease, so full of unlimited friendliness for all the junk at the bottom of the lake that we don't feel the need to churn up the waters just to avoid looking at what's there."
Pema Chodron

"The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray, and the advantage of science is that it is not emotional. "
Oscar Wilde

and a day

What a difference a day makes.
The sun is shinier (ok, it's currently raining...), the birds are... ah... gargling in the rain?
Whatever.
All I know is that with the grass always being greener, some people never truly wanting to be happy for you and little issues called PMS... um... ya... you sort of forget the good things.
Like your glorious glorious friends who throw you another party cause a few of them couldn't make it to the last.
Your fun friends who put monkeys on their chimneys (you'd have to see it...) and serve you fruit salad in the sun.
I had a good weekend, but my emotional pmsing was at an all-time high.
I tried to keep my distance and in some cases I did, in others, not so much.
My own fault for thinking I could control certain things... ah... no I can't, LOL!

I did have a great weekend though.
Drinks out, movies, parties, get togethers and catching up.
Sleep was slightly lacking, but I'm noticing other things are winning out.
Ah... balance.
No highs without the lows, no good without the bad and no sanity without moments of emotional shittiness coming in the form of my favourite thing... pms.
Joy ;)
AND you're welcome to all the men out here who I KNOW needed to hear this.
But this month was a fucking doozie.

be gentle with yourself

Cause sometimes you just need the reminder.

a sly smile

I have to take this... she smiles and picks up the phone while the rest of us sit on the couch, with our Guinness and champagne (in case you didn't know... it was Guinness's 250th yesterday!).
Jay looks over and laughs - the deal is done eh?
Yep. She's smitten.
The thing I find amusing is the fact that a few of the lovely women in my life are dating younger guys lately.
I can currently count... 4 of them, sorta... maybe 5.
While the appeal of the solid, the settled (still hate that word, along with 'contentment'... though we all crave both), the predictability in one way shape or form...
These guys seem to enjoy it.
2 out of the three don't know their real ages... and though it's not a big deal, I can see how the women might worry a bit.

But who cares?
You can tell though that it bothers a couple of the women a bit... they worry about the adjustment of them knowing, as we worry about our own faults...
As you get older, you do settle into certain habits that may be difficult to break at first, or things you really don't want to change about yourself... but then again, who's to say that they are any better?
I think as women we find fault in ourselves more than our partners (though I have a few women in my life who jump at the opportunity to find fault, so this isn't always true)... especially in the beginning.
Honeymoon stage. It still exists. I don't think I've seen many relationships where it doesn't go through it.
And in the beginning? We can absolutely justify EVERYTHING they do. Cause we want to, cause we don't want them to leave, cause we've fallen hard and fast and omg, they are amazing!
I asked a friend of mine about this and he laughed... fuck K - I walk around downtown and want to hit them. They worry so much about everything that they forget to enjoy it, or they forget to enjoy it as they are so forward looking.
Everyone has an opinion.
He's a bit of a cynic as he's had some doozies of girlfriends in the past...
I know from my previous relationships - in both romantic and friendship - that I want to believe the best in people. I don't give up easily and I try not to look too hard at the faults.
I want to believe that my heart is correct.
And well, strangely enough, it has been... though the lessons sometimes painful, I've learned.
This is something some of the younger ones haven't experienced yet.
I have a few younger guy-friends in my life. I know them from work, from play, some from my old school of kickboxing, some at my new school.
Their outlooks are fuzzy. You can push the magic 8ball at them and it will always say the same thing... outlook is not clear.
They have no clue.
This is what makes them interesting (ahem, not to date, but to talk to).
They see things so differently - but then again, when I was their age... life was quite different than it is now.
"How old are you now K"
Ha! let's be mean... guess...
"25"
That one made me laugh as it came out of the mouth of a guy who looks no older than 17...
-not a chance - I tell him and he guesses 23?
LOL.
When he finds out, his jaw drops... I don't think he was expecting that. I come up to his shoulders and we partner the odd time and he's determined to eventually kick my butt sparring (he's tried, he's failed, but he's improving... and he'll continue to).
"wow k, I never would have guessed"
Good. Keep it that way.
And for my girlfriends with the younger guys?
You would NEVER guess.
Ever.

And isn't it more fun that way? Enjoy.
I can learn a few lessons from them.

Enjoy the now, don't worry about later.
And hopefully there's more of that sly smile coming out more often :)

An anniversary

Ooooo, what a special day! - this said by one of my co-workers when I shared the lovely news of Guinnesses' (how exactly do I punctuate that? ah, who cares, you get my point...) 250th Anniversary.

http://www.250.guinness.com/

Happy 250 anniversary Guinness!

So raise your glasses!
Cheers your friend, and try to swallow down this meal of a drink!
And if you're anywhere near Ireland... do the rest of the world proud!


(on average, I drink very slowly... usually a drink every 45 mins to an hour, which is why I'm rarely 'the drunk' at a party, in fact, more of my friends make fun of my slowness of booze consumption. Ah well, no hangovers!... a Guinness takes me about 2 hours... which is why I don't drink them often, ha!).

Cheers!

Womanizer?

My buddy called me last night after not chatting for while and started out with: Good story K, you'll love this based on what we were talking about last time...
Those always make me curious, this guy always has good stories.
"Do you remember that girl I went out with a couple of months back... the one who I took to that show, I quite liked her, we ended up naked and she says to me: I can't do this, I got used last time pretty bad and don't want to be with someone who's not my boyfriend... that girl?..."
me: um, ya.

So, the full story is that they met, he took her out, they had a good time, but she thought he was a bit of a player, as he is younger than her, and is quite charming, but agreed to go out with him again. He actually really did like the girl, as he told me, so he was pretty excited to prove her wrong. They went to a show, and they had some booze and the nakedness ensued...
A week later while she was out of town, she drunk texted him telling him how bad she wanted him and how she was quite stupid to pass him up, blah blah blah, wanted to see him again. This happened a couple of times over a few week process - he even joked to me saying: oh, must be Saturday, here's her weekly text!
So, he thought sure, give it another go, they went out, had some dinner and... she was silent.
She said maybe 2 words all night (again, three sides to every story and I only get his), didn't want to make eye contact (maybe she was embarrassed?), so it ended awkwardly and they never hung out again.
He figured out that she was more confident on booze, which is how they met, their second date and well, when she drunk-texted him... When she was sober, she didn't know how to talk, and lost all of her sociability.
Shame.
So, they never went out again.

And the story continued:
"So K, I was out with the German on Friday night and we run into a friend of his who is super close to that girl. We're hanging out with a few other people, some girls and guys alike and he announces: Oh, so you've met Bob... he's quite the celebrity... in fact, he's quite the womanizer"

I burst out laughing.
This would be the second time in about a year that something like this has happened to him... the first was said by a girl he dated last summer who he stopped talking to after their 2nd date, but wasn't very good about telling her why... (had something to do with them meeting once right after his relationship of 5 years ended... then she went travelling for 4 months and they only talked via email... then when they finally got together, she had put on about 30 lbs and somehow ended up having a strange voice and talked all night about her horses and her perfect wedding... ya... well ok, three sides to every story).
He never called her after. He admits, it was VERY rude of him.

Womanizer... so he asked me what I thought.
I just see it as: you have an idea of what you want, and what's the point of sticking around as a 'just in case'?
He never slept with her. He never used her and pushed her aside, but he was a bit rude. He didn't call or offer any explanation.
We need this. I told him this.
We need the closure. We need to know why, even if you don't tell the whole truth, we wonder why they haven't called. We are a bit paranoid by nature and need to have something to tell us why. Anything. Closure is good for us.

We've all done it. We've gone out with a guy, once, twice, a few times, then stopped returning calls. We've moved on in our heads before they even knew and well sometimes it hurts them.
Then of course when it happens to us? Bastards! Womanizers! The whole nine yards!

Is it a double standard?
When women do it, are we bitches? Do we have too high expectations?
Is there a reason why quite a few of my friends are still single who most guys would die to meet?
No idea.
Bob gets a bit of attention when out, he enjoys the chase and he says more than anything, he enjoys the interaction, seeing what types of conversation change the direction of their mood... he should have taken Sociology rather than English as his degree.
I asked him what he got out of it.
He gave me an example of how he asked a girl once about a few of her hobbies, and when she replied, he asked her to give him an example of one of the best times doing that hobby and how it made her feel.
She opened up her body towards him and smiled as she talked about something that brought back pleasant memories and put her in a good mood.
He said it was interesting to see how her demeanor changed after just asking a few more questions about her feelings on a subject.
Interesting.
This wasn't someone he was interested in necessarily, nor her of him, but said they had a lovely conversation and they were both happy in the end, and that seemed to satisfy.
Ok then.

I have a girlfriend who loves the chase. She loves the flirtation and loves watching to see how it happens and ends up. It's a long time awhile since she's been in a relationship and that's not where her head is at, at all, so the first part is what grabs her.

It's interesting to watch. To observe what makes people do what they do.
When you look around a bar and watch a guy hit on a girl, watching the body language, seeing who's on, who's not, who's impressed, who's not...

Brings me back to the: so, do you wanna get laid on your birthday K?
Ah, no. Not by some random stranger at a bar who's only out to get me in bed.
Maybe a couple or few years back that would do it for me... not anymore.
It's a waste of time.
But... the flirtation, the observations and the conversation is so much more satisfying.
Even if it doesn't go anywhere, more fun that way.

And my friend Bob?
He's not as much of a womanizer than as a guy who's acting like a guy. He's reading a book right now about behaviours of men and women. He said it's giving him some insight.
I also told him to talk to his girlfriends more about these things... might stop him from having this happen for a third time :)

Do ya wanna?

Do ya wanna get laid on your birthday K?
I look around, a few guys were looking over in my direction and my friend smiles this sly smile that she pulls off better than anyone.
Ah - no.
No? She looks surprised. - Looks like you'd have no problem tonight (our table had been approached a fair bit that evening thanks to some lovely ladies with me!)... and it is your birthday...
I laugh - right... thanks, but no thanks.
I'm surrounded by people I enjoy, having a great time, the LAST thing I was looking for was to hook up.
Honestly.
I really don't care.
I went through a phase of not being aware of my surroundings as much, I was a bit lost in my own skin and the idea of trying to pickup was daunting.
I was finally convinced that if that's what I really wanted to do... it's not that hard.
So, I did.
We all love the initial flirt, the eye contact made from across the room, slipping in that sly smile and seeing if they do the same and who's first to react.
I had been talking to a buddy of mine about this last week. He loves the chase. He was asking me once what I thought would be the most boldest initial opening line...
He's super sly and very charming. He really has no issues with picking up girls, though when he tried with me, many moons ago, it didn't work, but mainly because I had a boyfriend - though that started our friendship.
"Tell her you want to take her home?"
Really? He thought about it, laughed and said he'd do it that night while out.
How did he do? Well, he put his own spin on it, but he got some fabulous responses, and it added a whole new level of game/playing to his repertoire, not like he truly needs it.
The chase is what most enjoy.
The first conversation that follows, that ability to hold eye contact for uncomfortable amounts of times and seeing if the banter is as good as you hoped it to be.
The next options... home or phone number... or both...
I did it. I lived it. I loved it.
I now no longer care.
If I'm out with my friends, my usual intention is to enjoy the time with my friends. If I meet a guy, wicked, a phone number exchanged, possible followup... moving on.
A couple of my girlfriends have commented lately that they don't want to waste their time anymore.
We know we can, so why bother?
Maybe it's an age thing, we went through our 20's unaware of what we were capable of, and when we finally realized... it was no longer needed.
Just like the chase...
It's more fun when it's happening, and a lot of the time, once the chase is gone, that excitement is gone.

I was talking to some guys at the end of my night while I waited for a friend talking to another.
One of the guys from one of the groups I was talking with got pretty sloppy... started to try to impress me and another friend with the new purchase of an apartment in the trendy district, adding: all it needs is a woman in it now - he tried to smile, but mainly it came out as creepy.
His friends sat there quite embarrassed for him and said: he's not normally like this...
I found out later that he hit on probably 4 girls at my table... yes, all class... he later almost passed out while I was talking to some other people.

This is why I don't think picking up at a bar is all that impressive.

One of my girlfriends out on the weekend took a year off dating. She had a bad ending to a relationship and realized that she had never been alone, so now was the time.
She met a great guy on Saturday night who grabbed her attention. He was nice and sweet and kind... until he dropped the bomb... he'd only been separated from his wife (and two kids) this summer...
yikes.
She shook her head and said to me that she wished he said that in the first few minutes or something... she talked to him for an hour.
Oh well, she says, though he's not in a good place right now, he probably will be at some point.
She doesn't need the baggage...
But the chase was fun for a moment.
And that's all she needed.

And all the single girls went home alone, extremely content.

It's a good vintage...

I woke up Saturday morning determined to start on the right foot. Literally.
I went for a short run (seeing as I'm not a huge fan of running by myself, especially first thing, but knowing that I will be happy at the end of it... 30 mins...), then got home and relaxed. I jumped in the shower, got out to a few phone calls of people wishing me well, a few texts from people saying they'd see me later.
I truly love my birthday. I love everyone's birthdays, but I feel lucky on my own. I think it's a start of a new year and a reflection that really gets me going.
This year was beyond stressful at times, probably went through more angst than I ever thought that would happen and now? So. Much. Better.
My roommate came out and asked what I had planned for myself.
Well? I figure I'll do things that make me happy.
Easy.
Bailey's and coffee after my run, chat on the phone with friends and family out of town.
I headed off to train and got thouroughly beat up (nothing like being pounded on by three guys who are SOOOO much better than you at sparring... and made you feel like you've never even held a pair of gloves), leaving the most brutal bruises I've had to date.
On. My. Face.
Yep.
Serious.
The corner of my lip was the most brutal, though the black and blue really didn't appear til later in the night (thank goodness, really), the middle of my lip was just slightly cut on the inside, and the top of my nose... slightly puffy, though again, bruising didn't appear til the next day (sunday waking up looking like a serious victim of abuse (did I mention the normal shin and arm bruising? ya...)).
I texted my roommate on the way home, telling her about my bruising and she replies: love hurts.
Ha! yes, yes it does!
I love it. Though it frustrates me, at the end of the class, I stuck around being invited to stay and do some other training with a few of my buddies who I haven't seen for awhile. It was so fun. I got beat up (literally) doing something I love.
The first and by far the worst of the injuries, I actually moved my face into his fist. He stood back, in horror, as I grasped my breath and pulled back on my tears - fuck it hurt - really REALLY hurt, I could taste a bit of blood, I looked up and he's looking at me just mortified causing me the pain - he's way over 6 ft and this is where I suffer, in my new format, I'd usually get into my opponent, as they can't do much when I'm inside their area... in Muay thai, if I do that, my opponent is more than likely going to grab my neck, pull me in and knee me to my body or face (if it works... I honestly do the WORST selling of my martial arts, ha!) - which is what he did as my partner not 5 mins earlier...
OMG - I'm making you cry on your birthday - so so so so sorry!
I was fine. The tears come, but at least these were good tears. I pulled it together and worked hard to finish the round, not feeling like I was completely out of it.
This school is hardcore. I will continue to say it - and mean it - it's brutal. I'm sparring (badly at that, ha!) with mainly men who have been doing this for years and years. When I spar with women, the dynamic is different, I don't get hurt the same way - girls fight differently, but with every frustration is the determination to overcome it.
And that is mine. I want to enjoy it more, cause when that happens (and i mean, hello, EVERY ROUND I got injurred, that doesn't happen!), it pushes me to work harder, no matter how much I hate it. This is probably why I stuck around at the end...
Anyways, it was good. I truly do love it and it's a part of who I am - and though I had to go home and ice my face... Yes, I said it, and admit it...
It wasn't that bad til later in the night. No one even noticed.
Good.
I left. Satisfied.
I got picked up a little while later and headed downtown for some eats.

My fab friend Kris helped to organize a get together in the eve at a local pub, and about 20 of my great friends showed up to hang out.
So, I got there with a girl I met at the games and we had dinner and got a wicked table.
My friends showed up a little while later and it was great! A few friends who couldn't make it last year were there, a bunch from my work and my other great crew and we had a wonderful time.
A few people got loaded (me, not so much... slow drinking on my end as per usual, ha!), a few people didn't, and well, overall, pretty great time.
I woke up WAY too early, felt incredible - though the bruising was worse... dammit...
and headed out for a lovely walk in the sunshine, brunch with another friend and a relaxing day.
I don't think I could have asked for a better time.
30 + 1 is so far much better than 30 :)
Thanks for being a part of it :)

too full

Cake for breakfast... had two pieces, which seemed like a great idea at the time.
Now I'm too full.
I'm content. Tomorrow I'm 30 + 1 and the pressure I felt at 30, the sorrow that came so hard and fast after... all gone.
I'm full on so many levels.
I'm content - again, a word I don't like to use that often, as it sometimes for me implies too much negativity... contentment... meaning boredom?
Not this time around.
Contentment meaning - happy with ME.
Contentment with the realization that I am better than I was.
Though I desparately need to go for a run later today - since I ate WAY too much cake, and wine will later follow... I am content.
I have plans, as I always do. I have goals, which I've changed. And I have dreams I hope to accomplish.
I've seen a lot of changes this year and each one has been a growth experience.
The disappointments, the let-downs, the fights, the anger, the overall experiences may have been painful at the time, but totally and fully necessary in order to grow and to figure out what really truly works.
Some things I truly truly miss, others, not so much.
Some people have come back into my life while others have left.
This is part of growing up. I still see my own mother struggling with this herself.

Recently I was talking to a friend about the Meyer's Briggs test and he did one himself and we compared. I remember years ago another friend telling me that she did 2 over a few year process and they changed. I thought I'd do another one, and well... mine's the same... though parts of me have changed, they haven't been enough to actually affect my personality profile.
But it does explain me.
And why I'm full :)

Getting there

One guy that I was clinching with on monday came up to me and said his neck hurt - I said mine did too. He apologized and said he tried to go easy on me...
Oh. Thanks.
Ha!
My buddy L picked me up on numerous occassions while not really meaning to, but cause he's quite strong and the leverage is good as he's also over 6ft... that's what killed me, that and the jackknife situps (seriously people, these suck... lay back on the floor, then bring your hands over your head bringing your feet up to a 45 degree angle to touch your hands... and down) as part of the warmup. My stomach still hurts.
So did 1/2 the class yesterday.
I didn't feel too bad.
Movement hurt. I still feel stiff, and no, I didn't get to Yoga yesterday, I got distracted.
Such is life. My own fault.
ah well, no pain no gain, right? ha!
I'd stop complaining... but then again, that's no fun ;)